I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
