Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
