Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
