I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
