cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
