We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
