she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
