I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
