how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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