if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
