just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
