Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
