Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
