textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
