It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am available for nakedness
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
