I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
