I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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