Sry I called you an 8
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
