this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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