You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
