And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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