Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
