I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
