a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
