smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
