:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
