The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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