I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
