i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
