I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
