I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
