She is in my trunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My vagina is very pro this idea
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
