im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
