so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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