So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
