Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
