I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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