You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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