Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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