we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
