The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
