The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
