no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
