He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
