i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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