Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
