Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
