I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
