I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
