My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
